I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
