This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
