you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
