I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize