sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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