My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
