Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
