Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
