Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
