guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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