I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
