Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
