It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
