Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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