32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
