there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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