She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
