so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
