be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
