even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
