dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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