I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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