i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
