dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
