Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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