Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
