And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
