apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude. I can hear the air.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
