Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
