i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
