even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
