This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
