Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
