i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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