why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
