I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
