the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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