Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
