Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
