Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
