it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
