WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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