Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
