I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize