remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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