I am puke
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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