He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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