I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
