come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
