So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
