your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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