Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
