Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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