I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
