Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
