If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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