Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found the puke drawer
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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