just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
