I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love having hate sex.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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