def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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