if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
birth control should be required to get into college
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
