so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
is this the sara with the beer cane?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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